The scary story of the girl who escaped from the dark and cruel Amish community

The Amish are a traditional Christian fraternity known for their simple lives, their simple attire and their reluctance to embrace the many comforts of modern technology. Despite their differences, they are closely associated with the Mennonite church.

The history of the Amish church began with a schism in Switzerland within a group of Swiss Baptists in Alsace in 1693 under the leadership of Jakob Ammann. Those who followed Ammann became known as the Amish.

In the early 18th century, many Amish and Mennonites immigrated to Pennsylvania for a variety of reasons. Today, the more traditional descendants of the Amish continue to speak Pennsylvania German, also known as Pennsylvania Dutch. However, a Swiss-Germanic dialect predominates in some communities of the Old Amish Order, especially in the US state of Indiana. As of 2000, more than 165,000 Old Class Amish live in the United States and about 1,500 live in Canada. A 2008 study showed that their population has grown to 227,000. In 2010 their population had grown by 10% in the last two years to 249,000, with increasing movement to the west.

The history of the Amish church began with a schism in Switzerland within a group
of Swiss Baptists in Alsace in 1693 under the leadership of Jakob Ammann.

Amish church members begin with baptism, usually between the ages of 16 and 25. This is required for marriage and when a person is associated with the church, he or she can be married by faith. Church parishes include an average of 20 to 40 families, and worship services are held every other Sunday at a member’s home. The parish is led by a bishop and several priests and deacons. The rules of the church, the Ordnung, must be obeyed by all members and cover most aspects of daily life. The rules include prohibitions or restrictions on the use of electricity, telephones, cars, and even clothing. Most Amish do not buy private insurance or participate in social security. As modern-day Baptists, members of the Amish church offer virtually no resistance and do not perform any kind of military service.

Members who do not comply with these community rules and are not persuaded to repent are expelled. Nearly 90% of Amish teens choose to be baptized and join the Church. Rumspringa is a process that enables teens to get out and get to know the world away from the Amish. Those who return become worthy members of the community. Amish church groups seek to maintain segregation from the non-Amish world. There is generally a strong attachment to church and family relationships. As a rule, they run their own schools in one room and interrupt the formal education in the eighth grade (age 13-14). They value rural life, manual labor and humility.

The Amish way of life is dictated by the Ordnung, which differs slightly from community to community, and, within a community, from region to region. Something that is acceptable in one community may not be acceptable in another. No description of the Amish way of life and culture can be entirely adequate, as there are some generalities that apply to all Amish. Groups can be divided on issues such as the width of a hat, the color of the carriage, or other issues. The births of children, their upbringing and socializing with neighbors and relatives are the biggest functions of Amish families. All Amish believe that large families are a blessing from God. The Amish are one of the fastest growing populations in the world, averaging seven children per family.

As time goes on, the Amish are under pressure from the modern world. Issues such as taxation, education, laws and enforcement, and occasionally discrimination and hostility, present difficulties. The Amish way of life in general is increasingly different from that of modern society. In some cases, this has led to sporadic discrimination and hostility from their neighbors, such as throwing stones or other objects at Amish carts in the streets. Amish usually do not educate their children after the eighth grade, believing that the basic knowledge offered up to that point is sufficient to prepare them for the Amish way of life. Almost no Amish go to high school and college. In many communities, Amish run their own schools, which are usually one-room with young unmarried female teachers from the Amish community.

As all Amish come from the families of the 200 pioneers of the 18th century, their communities are plagued by very high rates of genetic abnormalities due to intermarriage. For the same reason, they have a very high child mortality rate, something that certainly does not discourage the faithful, since they attribute it to the “will of God”. Amish refuse to undergo prenatal screening or premarital testing for the degree of kinship of the future couple.

Kate Stoltzfus before leaving the Amish community.

There are many people in the Amish communities, especially young people, who do not feel as much as they struggle that they can continue to live in a world clinging to the ways and customs of hundreds of years ago. Those children of Amish families who decide that they want another, more autonomous and short life for themselves must suffer apart from the terrible psychological pressures of their family and the aphorism of their entire community to which there is absolutely no possibility to return, if they decide that they do not want to be baptized and stay close to their own people.

A documentary that made a big splash in America a while ago and is titled “Breaking Amish” examines the lives of 5 young people who were stubborn and finally managed to escape from the dark and cruel Amish society.

Kate Stoltzfuz is the one who became better known through the narration of the series and the one who managed to make her dream come true, then realized a career as a model and designer.

From Amish on the cover of Maxim.

In the teaser trailer of the series on the internet, we see a 21-year-old girl, Kate, unable to operate an elevator and a young 32-year-old man, Jeremiah, struggling to withdraw money from an ATM. We also see their awkward attempts to buy new, non-Amish, clothes. And special underwear!

Although at this stage no one knows the exact identity and origin of the protagonists, and whether they really come from an Amish society. But they certainly come from miles away from New York.

Amish sleep in beds with wooden partitions. In this way they make sure that
the couple’s sexual intercourse does not happen on purpose except for reproduction.

The 21-year-old aspiring model, the daughter of the bishop of her village, is trying to adapt to the technology of modern culture. She can’t understand the operation of her hotel’s plastic plastic key and her elevator is causing problems! The young girl had always dreamed of a career in fashion, but her strict father had forbidden any object of “vanity”, leading little Kate to paint her nails with markers. As he says on camera, “I just need to get away and find out who I really am.”

Meanwhile, Jeremiah leaves behind his girlfriend Amish to live life in the city. “I was adopted and I was thrown into this Amish stupidity, you know, it’s not that cool,” he has to say. He tells his girlfriend that he can not deny the opportunity to visit New York, an opportunity given to him by the network behind a reality show such as “Toddlers and Tiaras” (!!!). At one point he is shown struggling with an ATM and saying to the camera: “He has never used an ATM before, this thing started making money.”

At the same time, Rebecca, the youngest cast in her 20s, is experiencing her own crisis. She struggles to endure even the air trip to New York, where according to her co-stars she cried and prayed. Like Kate, Rebecca dreams of becoming a model. She is described by the network as a “realist who wants to explore but understands the consequences of not finding a job and is responsible”. The young woman, who once shocked her family by punching a classmate at school, hopes to eat sushi while in New York, but above all, she hopes to fall in love.

Another character, 22-year-old Abe, is just tired of the daily monotony of his community. Although his elderly mother is supportive at first, he eventually travels to New York in a desperate attempt to lure her son, and others, back. The quarrel between the woman and the others is accompanied by the announcer saying: “One needs to have big balls to leave the Amish”.

The last character, 25-year-old Sabrina, is an adopted child of the Amish Mennonites, originally from Italy and Puerto Rico. Crying, she talks about the difficulties of leaving an Amish community and how she was told she would go to hell. She hopes to work in an Italian or Puerto Rican restaurant to learn more about her heritage, and I hope to find out about her parents.

The trailer closes with the group fooling around with the Big Apple skyscrapers and one of them shouting “I have never seen so many people go nowhere!”.

from: https://www.womantoc.gr/life/article/h-tromaktiki-istoria-tis-kopelas-pou-drapetefse-apo-tin-skoteini-kai-skliri-koinotita-ton-amish

Zombies, Ghosts, Breadcrumbing in modern relationships? How toxic are they?

Technology, dating apps, and changes in morals have changed the way people flirt, fall in love, and relate. Or maybe not? Are all these phenomena old, just offered to us in a new verbal and semantic package? All the answers here

Ghosting

The term implies that someone you met yesterday has become smoke, a ghost, as if it never existed. He has disappeared from the face of the earth, he does not answer calls, messages, emails and the attempts for communication of the interested party are not successful. Why are they doing this? But to send the message that this relationship, if it ever existed, is over.
However, Ghosting is not a new behavior. In the past, people would go to the kiosk and forget to turn or hang up the phone and not open the door. Just now electronic and digital silence is more deafening.

Haunting

And while you think you have fallen victim to Ghosting, the lover returns with messages, phone calls or close, as if nothing has happened, as if he never left and even more interestingly.
The reason is that he did not find anything better, that he had a lot of work, that he had no appetite, etc. This toxic behavior can be repeated indefinitely for a long time. Most likely it will disappear again.

Zombie-ing

If the man who had become a ghost returns to the forefront and in fact with many benefits and offers for the forefront, then we are jokingly talking about a zombie, a relationship that does not die.
However, neither of the above two cases is new. People have been disappearing, being found, being repaired and destroyed for centuries, in the western world.

Breadcrumbing

A little more complicated, this requires ambitious perpetrators and naive victims. Non-binding relationships that remain constantly with a colon, a consequence of narcissism and other biological motives. Here no one gets lost or disappears, but love is in installments and the fruits of love are crumbs, hence the bread (crumbs).

In short, it is useful to have new terms to know the patterns of behaviors that people recognize. Common terms allow for easier communication. The worrying aspect may be why these terms are emerging now. Are “bad” behaviors increased or are they just more important in a virtual world? If e.g. these terms reflect higher frequencies of these behaviors, could mean more uncertainty, confusion and indirect rejection on the way to a life partner (if that is your goal) than in previous years…

In case if your man belongs to the above category, first of all you must speak openly to him about everything you feel towards him and tell him that you want to be by his side and that this whole situation upsets and tortures you. But if he does not understand, and is ignorant of what he is doing, you must be patient with him if you really love him. But if you think you dοn’t want to hurt yourself and you feel that you don’t want him anymore and you don’t want to be patient, it is better to move on with your life without this person ..

from greek article:

How to recognize and how to deal with a narcissist personality?

The ancient Greeks described it exceptionally thousands of years ago, in their mythological narratives. Narcissus, in love with himself, failed to lift his eyes from his idol and was doomed to look at it forever. Greek mythology struck a chord, as narcissism is a real prison from which, experts claim, it is almost impossible to get out. It is a condemnation especially for people who focus only on themselves. Because they are often exploited, manipulated and sometimes destroyed. Even if it is impossible to change them, you can always learn to defend against their attacks.

Very often they are men

According to an Italian study by Tonino Candelmi, a psychiatrist at Regina Margherita Hospital in Rome and author of Narciso sono io (I am a narcissist), four out of ten Europeans are narcissists. In fact, in two of these cases it is “serious narcissism”, a personality disorder.

Men are twice as affected as women. “However, we need to make a distinction”, emphasizes Stavroula Zarkada, psychologist-psychotherapist and adds: “Self-confidence and ambition can be considered a kind of healthy narcissism, because they help you to confirm, without trampling on those around you There is, however, a pathological form in which others consider themselves an extension of themselves, and therefore belong to their service.It is not always easy to reveal these cases: these narcissists act in an insidious, usually veiled way. behind a mask of generosity “.

How to recognize a narcissist personality

The American Psychiatric Association has set some criteria. These are the most important ones that will help you find him.

He has excessive self-esteem. He loves himself very much and is vain. He is often a successful person, particularly rude, who needs to constantly show his superiority, which depends on the opinion of others.

Always looking for admiration. Narcissists are doomed to give thanks to be thanked: they are held hostage to their need for confirmation from others.

He believes that he deserves more. The overly egocentric, believing that he is unique, claims that he has privileged characteristics. His mentality can be summed up in the phrase: “You owe me this”.

Manipulates people. Uses others to get what he wants. When he is not admired, he often says what others want him to hear and pretends to be good and available.

He does not think about the feelings of others. Narcissists lack an important talent: emotional understanding, the ability, that is, to come in contact with each other, to understand and share their feelings. They treat people like mirrors, necessary to support their “scene” and to relieve the stress that overwhelms them.

He is jealous, although he thinks he is enviable. Convinced that he is the best, the pathological narcissist does not accept to come second. He believes that they envy him, while he envies anyone who can deprive him of the first place.

He is arrogant. As he does not tolerate frustration, he often becomes arrogant and may have outbursts of anger, sometimes very intense.

How to predict his movements

It is clear that anyone with such a personality, despite the desire to look superior to anyone, is in fact tormented by enormous insecurity. “The problem is that because he considers himself omnipotent, he hardly recognizes that he needs help and, therefore, that he needs to change,” explains Stavroula Zarkada.

Thus, whoever lives near him must be very careful and, above all, have great inner strength so as not to fall into his trap. It is better to be prepared, because the chance of falling for a narcissist, in your personal or professional life, is high. “The biggest mistake is to try to satisfy his demands. The more he gets, the more he wants, since it is never enough for him,” says the psychotherapist. Never expect a normal relationship with a narcissist, because he has a completely distorted sense of reality. Another trap you may fall into is trying to justify it: “He can’t behave like that forever.” Or to think that “deep down he is good”. It is wrong, because these rationalizations are imposed by the difficulty of accepting that for the narcissist you do not count at all. It is a reality that hurts, but admitting it is the first step to defending yourself.

Learn to deal with it

In order not to be overwhelmed, you must learn to control two emotions: anger and fear. The first is caused by finding that your needs are being violated. “It’s a healthy feeling, but in order to be effective it has to be transformed into a confirmation: ‘I’m'” the expert advises. This could mean, for example, that you plan your day in such a way that you do not leave room for the narcissist ‘s demands. “For the most insecure people, narcissistic aggression can be overwhelming enough to make them lose all confidence in themselves,” she said. It is a perverted game that allows it to maintain its power.

That is why it is necessary to take action:

In your relationship

Better to stay away “Often a narcissistic partner is fascinating, but the relationship reveals its true nature: selfish, manipulative, authoritarian,” says the psychotherapist. How to escape? “Get away from it while you are at the beginning,” the expert suggests. “Better yet, to give him the impression that he is leaving you, because otherwise he will try to take revenge on you.” The best excuse to get rid of him is to show him that you do not deserve him. Can’t you do it? Remember that with such a partner you are doomed to be an extension of his vanity: the only “protagonist” is him!

Defend your personality If you are already married and have children with a narcissist, it is difficult to break up your marriage. To limit the loss, the strategy is to move away emotionally, which means not expecting the care that every woman seeks from her partner. Do not try to change him, learn to defend your personality, even if he tries to crush it.

Do not lose your self-confidence Create friendships and interests outside the family, which will help you find her again. And if your partner looks good, appreciate his gesture. But remember that it can be a tactic to regain control of the situation.

At work

Do not doubt your professionalism The narcissistic boss is a very common “personality”. “Protected from his leadership position, he is often an aggressive hypocrite, trying to show his superiority in a cunning way, not explosive, but capable of provoking the submission of others,” she said. “His tactics are deadly: he tries to make you feel that you are always wrong or that you are inadequate. It is never clear what exactly he wants and with this exhausting tactic he manages to attack the most vulnerable people.” How can you neutralize the narcissist boss’s attacks? Without being angry, calmly show that you are sure of the work you have done. And if he insists that you are useless, repeat this phrase: “I am sure I worked in the best possible way.” Without defending yourself, without lowering yourself and, most importantly, without losing confidence in your abilities.

Understand his weaknesses To coexist with a boss like this, if you do not have the ability to change jobs, the only way is to understand that he is not a strong person, as he wants to make you believe. This is exactly how it works because it wants to cover up its deep insecurities.

In the family

Defend yourself, without waiting for recognition “If you do not have the ability to cut ties, the only strategy is self-defense,” says the expert. “This means that you have to set clear boundaries in order to be able to respect yourself and, at the same time, be available, within a reasonable framework.” If, for example, your mother-in-law is constantly trying to interfere in your life, you should stop her by setting clear rules: “You do not need to arrange my drawers, I have them on purpose.” The important thing, once you decide to follow this strategy, is to never give up in order not to give it space. She may complain and find this behavior selfish, but she is the real selfish one. Do not be surprised if your brother never says “thank you”: for him it means that he must admit that he needs you, while he wants to avoid any sacrifice and does not want to depend on anyone. When doing something for a narcissistic relative, never expect recognition.

Reward yourself If, indeed, you need a reward, go out and buy something for yourself – a book, a cream. “It is a tactic that I always recommend to my patients when they are oppressed by narcissists, and which I apply myself,” adds the psychotherapist. Follow this system as if it were a cure, deciding in advance your “reward”. It will boost your self-esteem when someone puts you to the test. “

Stavroula Zarkada, psychologist-psychotherapist, collaborated.

from: https://www.shape.gr/life/sex-sxeseis/1000668/pos-na-anagnoriseis-kai-pos-na-antimetopiseis-enan-narkisso/?amp=true&fbclid=IwAR3hj_ZKQqfbArMqmZA6g4IMF2cKqcFsDWOLXDiGhhGwz5SNbwSlPfvT8jk

What makes a partner emotionally unavailable?

The partner who is not emotionally available can be in love with you and have a great time. However, it does not put energy into the relationship: you are the one who makes plans, who arranges what you will do, who keeps the line of communication open.

The partner who is not emotionally available keeps his distance. He will get up and leave, he will not ask you to stay the night with him, he will cancel your plans, he will let you wait for your appointment, he will let many days pass from one meeting to the next. Although he does not say it in words, his behavior shows you that he keeps his distance from you, that he is not “given”.


Partner who are not emotionally available:

-They behave selfishly

-They let you do all the work to keep the relationship goingThey keep an emotional distance

-They are not bound

-They are superficial

-They do not respect your time, effort, needs

-They prefer their job or their friends instead of you

-They blame you solely for the problems in your relationship

-They often put conditions on you, such as: “If you do not do the A, know that I will do the B”, resulting in you being blackmailed emotionally.


What is the main problem that arises in the relationship?

The main problem that arises in the relationship is that the two people want completely different things: the woman wants the relationship to end in marriage and family, while the man sees the relationship as something ephemeral, to have a good time and nothing more. But this way the couple starts from a different starting point and their desires prove to be conflicting. The paradox is that these two people have a relationship, but in the end they do not have the relationship that each of them needs, so they both suffer and fight.

What are the types that are usually not emotionally available?

The man who is not emotionally available often has deeper insecurities and low self-esteem, characteristics that he keeps well hidden and often does not even realize that he has them.

He is usually a person with low emotional intelligence and immaturity, although he may be capable and successful at his job at the same time. Lack of emotional intelligence means that he does not understand exactly how he feels, nor does he understand the feelings of others. He has not acquired empathy, the ability to understand how the other person feels, to communicate with him and to trust him.

Also, another characteristic of him is that he is extremely dedicated to his work. So, objectively, he has no time for you or for any serious relationship, except for superficial relationships that do not end in marriage.

Men who are very independent and have structured their lives around work and social life often do not want to change this balance and create a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. Their choice is to have a free lifestyle, which does not fit into a serious relationship.

Where do these difficulties come from?

These difficulties often come from a bad, indifferent, “cold”, or lacking relationship with the mother in childhood or with the father.

Is the fear of commitment more for men or women?

The fear of commitment traditionally concerns men, although recently we see that many women are afraid to commit at a young age or if they are not sure that they have found the right partner.

What is behind the fear of commitment?

A man, but also a woman, is afraid that if he commits to a “serious” relationship he will lose his freedom and control of his life. He is afraid that the woman will command him and that he will somehow fall behind or show his weaknesses. He may also not like the idea of ​​having sex with a partner. To these fears, however, is added a deeper insecurity, the doubt “am I good enough for a serious relationship?”. This insecurity in turn leads to the anxiety of rejection, such as “my girlfriend may find out that I am not as good as she imagines and get up to leave”. Here, of course, we enter deep waters, since these are deeper, unconscious fears, which this man has not sat down to think about completely objectively and clearly. Also, some men are afraid that if a woman comes too close to them, she will discover their flaws and reject them for this reason. These men are anxious about their appearance, but also about what others think of them. There is a common case that a man does not trust women in general, either because he grew up in a family with problems, or because he has been betrayed by an ex. Other men still suffer from “Peter Pan syndrome”, ie they are eternal teenagers, they refuse to grow up and mature and do not behave as befits their age. Therefore, their desire for a serious relationship and marriage is about the same as that of a teenager: to zero!

Are there types of women who are attracted to such men? What psychological gap pushes them into such problematic relationships?

The woman who chooses with men who are not emotionally available is usually attracted to a characteristic of this man, such as his beauty, or his humor, or whatever, without taking into account other characteristics or weaknesses. In short, this woman makes an idealized view of the man in her mind. She falls more in love with the fantasy she has about the man, what she needs, and less with the specific man. Also, a woman who does not know herself well, who carries wounds from her past, tries to find a “savior”, a man who will save her from her problems. Finally, a woman may unconsciously not believe in her personal worth and consider that she does not deserve love and happiness in her life, so she unconsciously constantly makes wrong choices.

But remember that people get stuck in a partner and become obsessed when that person confirms their deepest concerns. Thus, a woman with anxiety and low self-esteem will fall madly in love with someone who reinforces these insecurities, these weak parts of her character.

What are they trying to fix by staying in the relationship?

Women who remain in an apparently deficient relationship are essentially trying to correct themselves, to prove that they are worthy and that they will succeed. And the worse the relationship, the more understanding this woman shows, the more patience she shows and the more tolerant she becomes. The reason is that she believes so little in herself that she considers herself lost and a “nothing” outside the relationship. This woman has low self-esteem and self-confidence. On the other hand, she has idealized the man to such an extent that she does not psychologically see that he is unsuitable for the kind of relationship she wants. However, she insists, because she believes that if she keeps this relationship is the biggest proof that she is worth it.

After all, is there a way to work out a relationship where one is not emotionally available?

Unfortunately, when a person is not emotionally available, when he does not want to go into a serious relationship, the woman can not do many things. The man who is not emotionally available is essentially absent and does not have the desire to have a serious relationship. A visit to the specialist can help when this man finds out for himself that he wants to continue with his girlfriend, but he feels that something is blocking him. Just as you need two partners to dance tango, so you need two members for a relationship to work. But persuasion, threats, coercion and compulsory treatment do not solve the problem. If the emotionally unavailable person recognizes that he or she has difficulty committing, that his or her life is emotionally poor, or that all of his or her relationships are badly broken, and that he or she seeks treatment, it can certainly change.

from: https://bestofyou.gr/cat/psyhologia/sheseis/giati-eroteyomaste-toys-lathoys-anthropoys

Why Egoism Dissolves Your Relationships

Selfishness Dissolves Relationships…

Selfishness is something we all have. If we look closely at ourselves, we will find that we all behave selfishly at times.

However, if the element of selfishness is strong in the relationship, it is very likely to be the reason that this particular relationship (or all your relationships) is not healthy and functional.

It makes sense to be selfish sometimes. However, we must recognize this feeling but also accept it, so that it does not gradually become an obstacle to building quality relationships.

Many times, both people behave selfishly in a relationship. As a result, there are many conflicts and tensions and the relationship may even lead to separation.

If there is no mutual understanding and mutual respect, as well as the intention to put each other in their place, then the rupture is one of the possible endings of the relationship.

But what are the characteristics of a selfish person?

What causes egoism when it is largely in the relationship? And how can he finally break it up?

The Main Characteristics of a Selfish Man

We can very easily distinguish a selfish one, as long as we know its basic characteristics.

The most common and most easily found in a person who is selfish, and of course in our partner, are the following:

#1 He does not admit his mistakes.

#2 He never makes concessions.

#3 He always wants to be right.

#4 He blames others for his mistakes.

#5 He does not care about the emotional impact of his actions on those around him. Recognizes the points that someone is vulnerable and uses them against him.

#6 He may show manipulative behavior in order to pass his own.

#7 He considers himself superior to others.

#8 He wants to control everything.

#9 It is not easy to share.

#10 It offers no value to others.

Of course, it is extremely rare for someone to combine all ten of these features. Usually, selfish people combine some of these characteristics. However, this list is a sample of the most basic behaviors that one who is selfish can have.

But if one exhibits only one or two of these behaviors, then this does not necessarily mean that one is selfish. He just has some weaknesses and some selfish behaviors, like all of us.

How Selfishness Dissolves Your Relationships

In any case, whatever person you have towards you and no matter how selfish it seems to you, in the end you will have to look at yourself and find how you will function better, you will not behave selfishly and of course, you will be able to deal with them selfish around you.

Once you realize that there is nothing more important than yourself, you will be able to deal with what arises and most importantly, eliminate your selfish behaviors in your relationships.

Because it all starts with us.

Many times, selfish people become toxic and create toxic relationships.

1. Selfishness Dissolves Your Relationships Because Due To Selfishness, You Don’t Communicate Properly With Woman

Selfishness prevents you from creating a quality and deep communication with your partner.

If you are both selfish, it will be very difficult to communicate effectively, as you both want to be right and you have no intention of resolving your issues.

This can often bring you into conflict and ruin your relationship in the long run.

2. There Are Often Conflicts, Tensions And Improper Behaviors

Precisely because you can not really communicate, there are frequent tensions and conflicts in the relationship.

This is due to the fact that you both refuse to make concessions and put yourself in each other’s shoes.

In your mind, it is more valuable to be right than to have a functional and harmonious relationship.

Therefore, when something goes wrong in the relationship, you collide and do not finally resolve the issue.

3. You Are Not In The mood to really listen to each other because you are selfish

Selfishness gets in the way of really listening to what the other person has to say, as everyone only thinks about what they want to say.

Also, because selfish people tend to blame those around them, it will be very difficult for them to become active listeners.

Essentially, they do not care what the other person has to say, as long as their own is heard and they are right.

This creates huge issues in the relationship in the long run, as you have virtually no intention of listening to how the other person feels, as long as you do not back down and show that you were wrong.

  1. Because of Selfishness, You Do Not Understand How the Other Feels

Because the selfish person only looks to be good to himself and is indifferent to the feelings that his actions create in others, he refuses to take the place of his interlocutor and to understand how it can make him feel.

And that can be catastrophic.

If there is no empathy in a relationship, then toxic and negative emotions will be constantly created.

One or both will feel permanently wronged and that their partner is not interested in how they feel.

In a healthy relationship, people want and seek to be and feel good about their partner.

If this very important part is missing, then the relationship becomes catastrophic.

You have to be very careful, because a selfish behavior easily turns into manipulative.

In closing, I want to emphasize that every relationship has pieces that are not so functional.

However, keeping both people constantly selfish can be extremely toxic to both or even lead to separation.

That’s why it’s good to work on our selfish parts and, above all, to accept them. Recognizing and accepting these behaviors is the first step towards their complete elimination.

In addition, we need to understand that a healthy relationship needs empathy, that is, the ability to recognize and care for the other person’s feelings. As well as mutual concessions when needed.

If we operate selfishly, then we do not care to have a successful and quality relationship, but to be good only ourselves.

And this, of course, never leads to the desired erotic results.

from greek article: https://www.menofstyle.gr/giati-o-egoismos-dialyei-tis-scheseis-soy/?fbclid=IwAR39fb4WHntuwPsPLC7CQ5YHFaxAy4n3WcbdiyIXGSW3MEp8nyZATMbjszE

What should I do if my Partner has Depression?

Depression in many cases reduces the quality of everyday life for those who experience it. The consequences for those who experience it for a long time and simply remain passive, can be far-reaching and potentially dangerous.

All well and good … but what do we do when this person we mentioned above is our partner?

Problems affect every aspect of the relationship and the family and can have devastating consequences for the smooth running of the relationship.

How do you know if your partner may be depressed?

One of the biggest problems with depression is that it can be difficult to recognize even by the person suffering from it. The person who experiences it begins to realize that something is wrong when he begins to “fight” for everyday life and for the things that until yesterday he did easily. Imagine for a second you were transposed into the karmic driven world of Earl.

Some first signs are that we notice this person looking a little bored and maybe lazy in doing things / habits. He also usually sighs when we ask “what do you have?” “he answers nothing”. He does not want to do things that he used to and you will mainly be concerned with the fact that there is no expression of interest as a sexual partner towards you.

These behaviors can be accidental and you should not worry immediately. It can be just a period of intense reflection up to issues within the marriage.

How do you know if it is really depression?

Depression is different from going through sadness or temporary frustration with life issues. There are many common signs that depression is present, especially when these symptoms tend to be persistent. These include:

Withdrawal. If your partner is experiencing a growing withdrawal from social activities and possibly from you, this may be a sign of depression. Depression isolates the one who experiences it. When one is depressed one feels exhausted to the point that one is unable to communicate with others even in a basic way.

Log out. As with withdrawing from social life, you may find that your partner is beginning to move away from hobbies or habits he once enjoyed. He may now feel as if he has too much work to fill all hours of the day. Or for example when he was once motivated and tried to complete some responsibilities such as housework, a job for work that will help in his professional development, now he no longer does it by choosing instead to watch TV or sleep.

Exhaustion / Fatigue. Depression is exhausting for the person suffering from it. If your partner sleeps more or is tired all the time, this may be a sign of depression.

Anger / Irritability. When a once-easy spouse gets angry or sad when a hat falls off, he or she may experience depression. Anger is a special sign in men.

Changes in the bedroom. Unsurprisingly, along with the other symptoms of depression, you may also see changes in lovemaking. This can be one of the strongest signs of a problem. If your sex life has deteriorated and you are experiencing any of the other symptoms listed, you may have to deal with a partner who is suffering from depression.
These are just some of the common symptoms of depression. The combination can vary, as can the severity of each. However, seeing these signs in your partner, it is worth considering depression as a possible cause.

What should you do if you suspect that your partner needs care?

Clinical depression is not likely to go away on its own. It is not a passing phase, nor is it your fault. The longer someone experiences depression and the lack of the right approach, the more difficult your relationship will be. People who do not seek treatment can lead to unstable behavior, substance abuse or even suicide. If you think your partner may be depressed, you need to take action and seek professional diagnosis.

But how can we support the person next to us?

Here are 5 key ways we can help:

  1. Take care of yourself. As paradoxical as it may sound, taking care of ourselves must be a priority. We can not help our man if we do not “step” well on our feet. And yet, our tendency and the dynamic of the relationship is often to “tune in” with our partner, to avoid friends and activities with the illusion that this is how we support each other. Other times, we tend to limit our personal development or even the pleasure of everyday life with the logic that with our partner “we are one”.

This is a trap that usually ends up forming an interdependent relationship that fixes not only one, but both partners. It is easier for our partner to strengthen himself in the direction of dealing with depression, when we insist on respecting ourselves and meeting his needs.

  1. Create an “open arms” environment. When our partner experiences depression, he often acts with distrust and doubt about his environment and the degree to which he can “endure” and support him. That is why often our partner can cause us to leave him, to quarrel with him, to move away.

But what we can do is act like a steady, warm embrace that is always there. This does not mean coordination with the other’s mood, but endurance and acceptance of the other’s reality.

  1. Remember: man is not his disease. The face of depression often makes us forget the character, personality, value of the person next to us. It is easy to fall into the trap of considering the other “lazy”, saying that “he does not communicate”, that “he is not negative”. This trap recycles and enhances the feeling of shame and self-loathing that often accompanies depression.

But what helps is that we systematically remind ourselves first and then our partner of everything that makes him special and important to us. It is important not to “talk” only about the characteristics of depression, but to communicate, wait and remind all those elements for which we appreciate, respect and want the person next to us.

  1. Detoxify the relationship environment. It is not your responsibility to “save” your partner, even if this is your first tendency. But it is up to you to keep the “toxicity” of the relationship low. Practically, this means that it is important to maintain a communication without high emotion, a healthy lifestyle with exercise and proper nutrition, a healthy social life. This requires constant effort but can increase our partner’s ability to help.
  2. Depression does not end the relationship. The fact of a serious mental illness does not eliminate the reality and needs of a companionship. As partners, we need to be in touch with our needs, the need for companionship, communication, sexual contact. We need to express these needs, to claim the presence and closeness with our partner. The goal is not to become the parent of our partner but to remain in our extremely important partner role.

Author(s): info-scanner

Heartbreak

Almost all of us have experienced a erotic disappointment, a rejection or a separation. Most people when they experience one of these situations have a feeling of intense sadness or cry incessantly. Others from such a situation may close in on themselves and not talk to anyone or feel intense anger.
An abandonment for some is painful while for others a bad situation that they can not easily avoid. Certainly an erotic disappointment cannot be overcome so easily but instead it takes time and will.

But it is good to think that a separation or a rejection is worse for us but on the other hand may be better for us. We need to put our emotions in order when we experience such a situation. We must first accept that the other person wants to continue living without us. To accept that the wound is still here and cursing us, but we must not let this wound become an obstacle in our lives. We must not leave it open, because the longer it remains open the more we are hurt and the less we will not have the slightest appetite to move.


We try to live as we used to live before separation or rejection. To do what pleases us and we feel joy and laughter without pressure and negative thoughts. To feel a little better. With all this we must know that they will not happen if we do not have the will to put them into practice. It takes time to complete such a process, give yourself time and the will to heal to start new things in your life and a new beginning. Remember that the only sure thing that is there and worth taking care of is ourselves, let us not omit it but take care of it every day.

Do not forget that you should not think of starting a new beginning with another person if you are not confident and ready with yourself and you have indeed forgotten and overcome a romantic disappointment that you have experienced. It is better to be absolutely sure and confident in order to make a fresh start.

Author(s): info-scanner

Does your man show you ungratefulness?

One of the most common forms of mental illness is ungratefulness . Those who consider the characterization excessive should think about how reasonable and normal behavior it can be, to fold the hand that hugged you and offered you help.

The many faces of ignorance are manifested by not appreciating something that has been given to you to enjoy and destroying it, such as the environment. When you have been given something in abundance and you do not share anything with the less favored who are in need and lack. When you do not recognize anything in those who have contributed to your success, only yourself.

Ungrateful is he who no matter what you do for him is never satisfied. One who erases what others have done for him and turns against them when a mistake is made. It always remains difficult and painful to accept that one of our own people will be against us as an enemy.

We find it hard to accept that a relative, partner, colleague, friend can betray us, deceive us and hurt us, forgetting the trust, the love, the generosity, the time we have devoted or even the sacrifices we have made for him. . Let us not forget, though, that Judas was one of Jesus’ disciples.

Ingratitude and ignorance are not just bad behaviors and a sign of our times.

Not appreciating is a mental disability. Not being in a good mood to reciprocate love or help to some degree, in some form, indicates mental poverty and narcissism. To unhesitatingly hurt someone who has treated you well is considered a nasty disease of the soul that needs treatment.

The man who has a deactivated conscience finds excuses for his every action. Lack of empathy for fellow human beings makes him ruthless, egocentric, toxic.

Is the lack of education a matter of genes, experiences? Undoubtedly, the environment can play a role in the psyche and values ​​of the individual. The way they have nurtured you and treated you, influence future behaviors and choices to some extent. The reasons are many and the excuses even more.

Beyond describing the phenomenon, what we need to do is take personal responsibility for our actions in the here and now. Each of us is called to improve and evolve ourselves by any means at our disposal.

The key to conversion is introspection, self-awareness and spirituality. Man changes and moves beyond genes, labels and experiences if he wants to and tries. Life acquires meaning only when we begin to tame instincts and illuminate dark corners of our being.

-Christina Vlaxopoulou

So what can you do to deal with such a person?

Express your feelings openly. The first thing you need to do is discuss your feelings with that person. Explain to him how he feels when he treats you this way. He mentioned specific incidents so that he could also understand. Some people do not realize that they are often rude or ignorant. Also, many take “thank you” for granted. So, if the person realizes that he did something wrong, he will apologize to you and try not to do it again. On the other hand, there are people who will not admit that they made a mistake, will get angry and will react badly. In this case the person may face some other problems and behave in this way. If this happens, stop the conversation politely and do not continue.

Stop being so generous with him. If you realize that talking to him did not solve the problem and he continues to behave in the same way, then you need to stop being so generous. Ungrateful people never stop asking and demanding. The more you give them, the more they wait. Stop giving to people who do not appreciate it. Start saying “no” every time they ask you for something. Many times when they stop taking they go away and get lost, looking for the next available person to give them. Callimachus emphasizes that “there is no more certain enemy than the ungrateful one who benefited.”

Move away and help more people who appreciate your effort. It is certainly the most difficult choice, especially if these people are years in your life, but it is necessary for your peace of mind and balance. People who are ungrateful and constantly ask you to leave your life as soon as possible. There are so many people around you that make you smile, feel good and really appreciate what you give them even if it is small. So why continue to dedicate your time to people who constantly whine and “take advantage” of you?

Remember that every person has to make a very important choice during his life: Whether he will follow the path of gratitude for all that he has or the path of ingratitude for what he does not have. It is his personal choice whether he will be happy or unhappy. So, if some people in your life have chosen the second path, you do not have to stay with them. Get closer to the people who make you smile and appreciate what you give them. Remember the words of Earl Nightingale: “our attitude towards life determines the way life itself will treat us”.

9 signs that someone is suppressing their emotions

The suppression of our emotions consists mainly of two aspects. On the one hand, the inner repulsion from the person, that is, the refusal to accept what he feels and on the other hand, the hiding of these feelings from those around him. Therefore, this is a difficult situation to detect. So how do we know if someone is having difficulty managing their emotions?

  1. They have an awkward, cold attitude

Dystrophy is a temporary release of the tension that prevails within them. It is the result of something that devours them, because they have combined happiness and positive mood only with a specific result, which they did not get. Maybe the person they liked betrayed or humiliated them and the pain boils inside them. Or maybe someone else in their work got the credit for a job they did. It is nothing more than a psychological defense mechanism used to avoid a violent outburst.

  1. They feel alone

They spend their weekends, like most of their nights, at home, watching endless series / movies / shows to be forgotten, as they feel that no one can understand them. They are isolated and do not even answer the calls of their close friends. If you think this is the case, knock on their door. Maybe you can help them externalize what they are hiding and what they are hiding from.

  1. They remain silent

They say that silence can be deafening. From someone who suppresses his emotions, it is a cry for help, even if it is silent! This is another defense mechanism, in order to keep what is drowning them inside and not to lose control. It can also be a way to show someone your displeasure with him.

  1. Distractions

They can create them in various forms, such as at work, games, people, outings, sex and the list goes on. Distractions are used to prevent their oppressed emotions from exploding and to avoid managing and processing them. After all, in this way, they turn the attention of those around them to issues other than their own. However, these distractions can only be temporary in a persistent problem.

  1. Avoidance

This means avoiding the cause that brings with it negative emotions. Stimuli that include people, objects, places, events that had a bad ending and more. This, as you will see at the last sign, is a way of avoiding the person to face his demons.

  1. Substance dependence

Substance and alcohol abuse is another defense mechanism that is unfortunately very common. The range of substances varies from alcohol to heroin and harsh stimulants. This, as you probably know, can lead to addiction, possible illness and death. And once again, these supposedly “solutions” are a rough, temporary measure.

  1. Poor memory

As these individuals become more focused on finding ways to suppress their emotions, they tend to forget often and not be able to recognize the respective social conditions that govern each particular social environment. This obviously leads to a lack of communication and an obvious drop in the level of satisfaction from relationships with others, especially from their love affairs.

  1. Weight gain

Cortisol, the “stress hormone”, is released in the body to stop the function of two other hormones, adrenaline and corticotropin, which are responsible for temporarily reducing appetite. Once these two hormones disappear, cortisol stays and the appetite returns and makes us eat more. It can also be stored as “visceral fat” as well as abdominal fat. When the oppression of emotions continues for a long time it turns into stress, which triggers weight gain.

  1. Deterioration of the health of the gastrointestinal tract

As our brain and gastrointestinal system are interconnected, since the latter is defined as the “second brain”, the effect on it can be intense, with many unpleasant symptoms. These may include: upset stomach, indigestion, bloating, diarrhea and nausea.

And the truth is that whatever we feel will be seen sooner or later. So if you do not do it, with your will and in a chosen and safe context, your strong feelings for you will do it. So isn’t it time for you to edit it too?

from: https://enallaktikidrasi.com/2017/04/simadia-dilonoun-kapoios-katapiezei-synaisthimata/?fbclid=IwAR3gEOiaS94migz_P_mKr2-ppt_Q1x1g5yWBeo9V6U__8xYc6C9T_KH_3pw

Put aside your selfishness

Almost all of us have this small or big ego within us. But the truth is, we overdo it too much once. We know very well in ourselves that egoism does not benefit anything near us, on the contrary, it only offers us our own destruction, which in the end we will bitterly regret.

Be that as it may, when you come across situations where you yourself are responsible for it or where you also have a share of responsibility, it is good to put aside your selfishness and realize what the situations are like. What is it like to understand and behave maturely in the issues you have. Whatever your problem and whatever problem you are facing now, you need to behave as correctly as you can. Even when it is not your fault and the other person is to blame, open his eyes to see that what he did is not right and when he does not listen to you it does not matter. At some point he will see the mistake in front of him and he will tell you that you were right. It does not matter if he does not listen to you now and there is no need to not hang out or have a problem with each other because he does not see what you see. Do not worry about this because he will see it for himself at some point. He will see it and understand it. Maybe not now but later, but it is important that he understands.

But do not always expect others to just back down and apologize. You also have to give up at some point. Stand at your level for a while when you are in a relationship, when you also have minimal responsibility. Do not expect others to do everything and you to do nothing. One day we too must give in, let go of our selfishness in order to be good to others but also to ourselves.

Author(s): info-scanner